Citizensheep » Time Window and Sandbox

26 November, 2007

This post is in: Ramblings

Time Window and Sandbox

Obviously time travel is impossible: if I were to go back in time, how on earth would I be able to remember a future that hasn’t happened yet? I’d be stuck with no memory of who I was or where or was, and probably of what I was. Besides, I wouldn’t be there anyway because I wouldn’t have been born yet.

(There’s nothing new here, so if you’ve started reading this post please don’t feel you have to continue. I just need to get this drivel out of my head in order to sleep.)

So let me unveil my first new product:

The Time Window
Sick of inaccuracies in television period dramas, or simply forgotten where you put your glasses? You can now consign those headaches to the past (so to speak) with the new Time Window™. With this handy pocket-sized gadget you can pick any date in the past or future and watch events unfold as they happened. The deluxe version also comes with sound.

Of course, this doesn’t actually allow us to alter the course of history. For, say, Dirk Gently to sabotage The Rime of the Ancient Mariner, he would need to be able to create an instance of that time separate from his own time/event line (forgive me if I’m a little ignorant of correct time-and-space terminology: I’m neither a scientist nor a novelist (thank god)).

So for those who want a more hands-on experience, I give you:

The Time Sandbox
Want to play guitar with Hendrix? Want to see England qualify for Euro 2008? Well now you can! For the monthly cost of a burger you can use the Time Sandbox™ service to connect to any moment in time – both past and future – and engage with the real events as they happen. (To use this service you will also need a Time Window™, a computer, a wireless broadband connection and some virtual reality headgear; costs not included. Tinkering is at your own risk: Time Sandbox™ takes no responsibility for any tears in the fabric of the universe.)

Of course, you won’t actually change anything in your existing reality: each time you create a new instance of the sandbox you create a new alternative reality in which to play god (unfortunately you probably won’t be able to re-visit to check the devastating impact of your handiwork). This also means that the universe would be littered with millions of alternative realities, but then maybe it already is.

Now let me get some sleep.