Since using Twitter…
I keep telling people how my life has altered since using Twitter, even though I’m well aware of how sad that sounds. The thing is it’s not really about Twitter at all, but about people: all Twitter did was help me find them.
This post will appear particularly self-indulgent: it’s trying to articulate something that I haven’t managed well out loud. It’s also one of those awkward situations where the post is really meant for a specific group of people but is on a public blog. And besides, I’ve only dared to write it because Nick told me to. 
So do feel free to leave at this point.
After my marriage broke up three and a half years ago I didn’t really have any friends in Birmingham that I could just drop in on (or maybe I did, but I tend to need explicit permission else I feel intrusive). They are all in couples and some have children. And most are mutual friends: I didn’t want to put them in the awkward position of being in the middle (and I felt awkward too) so I would just hide away from them. And in any case they are rarely free at weekends.
They would encourage me to try and meet people. I really wanted to but I didn’t know how, and would just wander around town drinking coffee, reading, watching people, and berating myself for never talking to anyone. I did that pretty much every weekend for three years, to the point that I hated weekends.
Then one evening a friend invited me to a pub to meet a few Birmingham bloggers. I had a blog that I updated about as often as my cat went outside (she hates going outside: I have to chuck her out the front so that she has to walk round to the back to be let in; it’s the only exercise she gets). I had also tried dabbling with Twitter, but I updated that even less frequently. So I went along; partly out of curiosity, but mainly in order to return the camera that my friend had accidentally left with me. I felt awkward, presumed I’d made a tit of myself, and eventually went home wishing I’d never gone and vowing never to go again.
The next morning, to my great surprise, I discovered that the people I thought I’d made a fool of myself in front of had started following me on Twitter. So I followed back.
Since then I’ve been involved (admittedly with varying levels of reliability on my part) with Birmingham bloggers, Birmingham Social Media Cafe, Eleven hours on the Eleven Bus, Twitpanto, Big City Talk, Digital Mentors, We Share Stuff, Rhubarb Radio, 4am Project, BARG, and any number of other activities that result from a criss-cross of each other. And more importantly I’ve found a lot of friends, including some that I hope will allow me to call them fairly close friends.
I won’t name people because it wouldn’t be fair, but I could easily list twenty who I see fairly regularly and would regard as friends; and seven or eight of those are particularly important to me. And bear in mind that I’m not usually good at thinking of people as ‘friends’. I tend to love people and want to befriend them, but presume they don’t feel the same; and I get very low if I think I’ve upset them or said something stupid (which happens pretty much all the time). So it takes me a long time to feel comfortable with people and to presume I’m worthy of being labeled their ‘friend’.
Except, with the speed of conversation – both inane and important – that happens on Twitter, friendships flourished much more quickly than I could have imagined.
But, like I said, it’s not just down to Twitter. It helped the process, and without it I would probably never have met these people; but the people had to be there in the first place. And lovely people have lovely friends, and so the networks grow.
And that’s the tangible part. Since meeting these people a mere eight months ago, my social life has transformed. In a good way, because I have lots of friends and people to go drinking with.
However it’s also very strange, because I still don’t understand what people see in me. (I’m not trying to be pittyingly self-effacing, this is leading up to something; bear with me.) I love interacting with these people, and I think every one of them is pretty remarkable.
But not me. I’m just me: bumbling, insecure and too scared of change to do anything at all (except escape my house as often as I can). So, what the hell is this all about: [although I'd rather you didn't click this link; you'll see what I mean when you get there]?
See what I mean? And someone actually paid for that web address.
It’s very sweet, but why me? Why not one of the others? I can think of plenty of people who are way more worthy. The thing is, do they see it? I don’t see what’s so special about me; in fact I’m convinced that nothing is. Apparently some people disagree with me; but would they recognise themselves as being special? Probably not.
So I want them to know that – for every one of them who has posted to that site – I would have had it the other way round.
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So eloquently put.
Lovely post. I follow you from afar but this makes me feel close. And I have continuously found your tweets to be most useful. So thank you.
Now do a post about all the great things you have done
Brave. Open. Magic.
Well said Michael, and just think if it hadn’t been for twitter I would never have met you or the many other twitter users I am now proud to call my friends.
/follows
What a post! You play a huge part in what goes on in Brum, you managed to get a load of us together around a table to talk Digital Mentors and in a round-about way that’s a small part of why I’m at sitting at the desk I am this morning. Don’t underestimate the little things, they ripple. Thank you.
Beautifully put. I can entirely understand your point of view on this. Living, as I do in a relatively remote part of Cameroon – the internet is to a large extent my entire social world.
I struggle with the long, lonely nights here and a simple @ reply can be enough to help turn a mood around. The interaction, not just from Twitter but also comments on my blogs, links to it etc really see me through the days.
I have decided that once I finish this work I want to blog for an NGO. To do this there is every chance I may have to move from my North East base to London. Moving to a new city, and in particular London (which I must admit to seeing, up to now, as the enemy) would just have been too daunting a couple of years ago. But now as a result of Twitter I feel like rounding up a few like minded souls in the capital wouldn’t be so hard.
There’s another area I wanted to mention – that blogging ambition I might have thought was beyond me not so long ago. But reactions from people who opinions I respect to my ideas and thoughts has shown me I do have something to offer and I can contribute a great deal in a post that I may previously thought was out of reach.
Yes, sometimes it feels like it’s hard to find a downside to social media.
Like I said, beautiful post.
Why you? Because you’re proper lush and lovely!
Amazing post, well done.
Like you, Twitter has opened up a new sphere of connecting with people in ways that only a few years back would not have been possible in making new friends. I still have a love/hate relationship with Twitter due to the pace and ferocity of information overload at times (but not the people who use it!) but would be quite lost without it and every time I think of hitting the delete account button, always stop for a moment. It’s not the website it’s the people that I use it for.
Keep up with the Tweets, even though we have never met face to face, do enjoy your tweets and conversations. And the random tweets too. It’s not only the serious stuff we all burble on about, it’s the fun and random stuff too, which is, in its essence the best part of twitter and all the other modern fangled media stuffs which appeal to me. Glad Nick said you should publish it. Thanks for sharing!
Hey Michael, so glad your weekends are something you can look forward to now! Although I have been in a couple for several years now, I was single up to the age of 26 and lived alone for a couple of years too, so I do know what it’s like.
Even though I’m one half of a couple, I still need to have a group of interesting and lovely people around me too. Since meeting lots of these types of people on Twitter, it has encouraged us to get out and about more and not to just spend all our free time being lazy at home and getting fed up with each other.
As for why I like you, you have some of my favourite qualities: you’re honest, creative, modest, intelligent, you don’t take yourself too seriously and are willing to laugh at yourself, you’re willing to try new things and think new thoughts, you’re kind, generous and always look out for other people. I could go on…
Why you? Lots of reasons, which many people have already mentioned above.
I concur with everything Julia has said and add that you are passionate about what you do and that is infectious.
Plus, you are more modest than anyone I have ever met to the point where you seriouisly do yourself down. I think that’s why your friends built the website, to show you that you don’t have to worry, you are fab just the way you are.
I’m really glad Twitter helped you to find likeminded people and broke down a few barriers. It was exactly the same for me too.
What they said. You care about what other people feel, and that’s one of the most important things anyone can do. Proud to be your friend.
Fantastic, brave post.
If we ever meet f2f, and with twitter that’s not impossible, please let me buy you a beer
That post there, sir, is a perfect example of why you iz so lovely!
Ditto to all above except I haven’t actually met you so not those bits but I know if I did I would say the same because you are a very likeable person and I am actually now wondering if all this is causing you to wander around with a big, open mouthed, shocked grin on your face and suspect it possibly is because you have no idea that you are in fact so likeable and that is (partly) why you are! *breathes*
I am welling up. Makes me want to move back to Birmingham.
I look forward to the next Tuesday tip, which explains how to eat multiple massive breakfasts and continue to look like a rake.
Amen
how brilliant, person who I don’t know x
Digg this?
http://digg.com/people/Since_using_Twitterh_My_friends_fab_post_about_friends
Ah, Michael, what a lovely post. You are a top guy and I love having you as a friend.
I feel pretty much the same way about twitter. It’s amazing – hence the twitter flash mob, which you kindly joined in! You are supportive and kind, amoungst many other lovely things and that’s why people want to be your friend.
So glad you took the plung and went along to meet the bloggers! See you soon x
Brilliant post and fills me in on the time between when I saw you last too many years ago (at your or Simon’s wedding, I believe) and rediscovering you on Twitter a few weeks ago. Following you on Twitter has helped me work out what it’s all about, and your invaluable assistance with Number10 the other day was when it all really started to click for me. Thanks very much for that.
Social networks really do work – have spotted Pete Ashton in your online world. I’d previously come across him through the Misty’s Big Adventure connnection – small world!
Thanks for all you write – keep it up!
Bryony
Blimey! I’m gobsmacked; thank you for all the lovely comments
What I neglected to say in the post is that despite what people may say, friendships can exist purely online (as evidenced in some of the comments here). Maybe it’s not possible for them to become as close as those which also exist offline, but certainly it is possible for them to become important.
And maybe some of them are just waiting to become more profound than you could ever imagine, once the offline connection is made; who knows.
Certainly don’t take any notice of people who totally dismiss social networking tools.
Oh Michael! What a lovely post.
Why you? For the reasons everyone else gave and here’s my personal perspective.
You were one of the first brum bloggers to talk to me when I came to my first blogger meet. (@karenstrunks and @gavinwray beat you to it slightly and I hold them in equally high regard as you) You were on the sober side of tipsy & you were passionate, engaging, thoughtful and inspiring.
In real life you sometimes give off a vibe that seems like you’re quite serious. But the thing I love about the blog about loving you is that it also shows you secretly like to be just as weird as the rest of us. It’s one of the many reasons I adore hanging around with you and spotting you at an event.
Please don’t change as you’re amazing enough already. Where do I get my “citizensheep is amazing” badge from?
I logged into Digg for the first time this year, just to Digg this!
Michael, this is a really beautiful post. Brave too.
I agree with everything folk have said in the comments above but wanted to say so anyway: you’re a generous, thoughtful, intelligent and funny guy. I’m glad you went along to Birmingham Bloggers (which I think is where we first met, introduced by @bounder) and I’m always listening to things you chirp about on the tweets or the Sunday Social radio show.
My better half is over the moon with the drum kit you kindly lent to help her learn to play the drums in her musicals. I haven’t seen her this happy since Michael Ball’s encore of “Love Changes Everything” and she rushed the stage.
I’m bookmarking this post and, when feeling blue, will come back for a reminder of how great this world of digital peeps (and Brum) really are. This is real soulfood.
Michael,
I don’t think we’ve ever spoken, although we’ve attended a few of the same events, and we’ve spoken on Twitter only a few times. However, from my early days in Twitter it was clear that you were held in high regard by the local online community. And, at the end of the day, that has to be down to you. As you say, Twitter is simply an enabler.
Like you, I can often find it difficult to talk to people I don’t know, especially in a room full of people I don’t know. But I can find it easier to do so online. And the Twitterers in Brum are a prticularly welcoming and encouraging group.
Your candor in this post is refreshing and should prove encouraging to the many people who find themselves in similar situations. I’m glad you found yourself able to publish it.
You should never be surprised at why people warm to you – you’re thoughtful, kind, intelligent and can hack 10 hours of drinking with me. Anybody who can hack that deserves a knighthood, let alone a website dedicated to them, lovey!
x
I’d agree with some of the sentiments expressed in your post. I had a good group of Birmingham friends, but often spent my time in the weeks traveling around the world (trust me ain’t glamourous). For a time weekends where spent up catching up with people I knew.
By the time i came back to Birmingham (January 09), they had all moved away to other parts of the world. This left me with a void, and looking at twitter activity it spiked ever since, the blog got set up.
I’ve met a lot of enjoyable people, and looking at my diary I can see that I seem to have some event/meetup/pub drinks to goto out of people I knew from the ‘internet’.
I love the honesty expressed in the post, and no doubt we love michael grimes.
nice
and clearly you are well loved
consider yourself nominated as a tuttle host
requires real social art
be well!
My better half just read the last comment and pointed something out. While I was trying to be amusing in prose, it just came out cheesy. I’d like to point out that I’ve *never* been to a Michael Ball concert… no really, I haven’t. Or Michael Bolton. Or any other corny, curly-topped singer. I just saw how happy she was after she came back from a Michael Ball concert once.
She still loves the drum kit though.
Michael – must meet you for a tea n bacon sarnie in the Society Cafe soon! Need fresh fuel for the http://welovemichaelgrimes.co.uk/ blog.
PS Last year I hated weekends too; this year, I love ‘em. And that also is partly thanks to Twitter and co, and you too.
PPS You rawk. If I wanna know what’s going on socially in Brum I check your Twitter first – you’re at the epicentre of the social whirl these days.
PPPS Great great post. Reminds me of a cool Cinderella story, where Cinders keeps rocking the ball night after night.
fabulous blogpost, you do indeed rock and one by one you and all your friends and twitter fans are changing the world one tweet at a time!
lovely :^)
Thank you! I have been trying to express these feelings to friends and family who do not twitter.
For me, Twitter lets me leave the labels I carry in the physical world. Granted they are labels I don’t bother to challenge. I am a mother. I take care of the children and followt hem on every path they desire, but mine has been left behind.
I say hello and smile, and sometimes play the dumb blond in order to fit into the labels people are most comfortable with.
But on twitter I’m allowed to say and write the things that play on in my mind that don’t really fit in my physical world. And because of this, on my short time here in twitter land I almost feel like the people I often look for , and write to, know a side of me that is so precious to me! and therefore I feel very close to them. Revealing to them and myself that part of myself is well and truely alive!
Thank you
Karacornflake
Beautiful and so eloquent. I think many of us feel the same way oftentimes…
Excellent tale, thank you!
The power of Twitter, blogs and FB means lovely things like this spread to strangers like me, sitting in Edinburgh reading this and thinking it’s just wonderful!! Am grateful to Tessy Britton at Thriving Too for bringing this blog to her networks too. You’ve got a new follower!! Louisemac
Hi Michael, loving the blog. I am very new to all of this but feel I had to comment. I love knowing you. I am one of the neighbours who would love it if you popped in for a cuppa and a chat, no matter how busy we are. You’ll have to take us as you find us but it’s always a pleasure to see you mate.
Aw, thank you for commenting! I hadn’t really factored in the neighbours, who of course are also friends (I guess this is a classic example of how long it takes me to feel completely comfortable!). I should probably take this opportunity to say how much I value all of my friends.
What they all said. And what you said in your original post: “I love interacting with these people, and I think every one of them is pretty remarkable”. That’s the charm.
I admire your honesty and openness. Really glad to hear some positive results from Twittering, long may it reign.