Citizensheep » nonsense http://citizensheep.com/blog Michael Grimes lives in Birmingham (UK). This is his blog about anything that he fancies. Wed, 23 May 2012 15:29:35 +0000 en hourly 1 http://wordpress.org/?v=3.3.2 Bicycles of Life: a poem http://citizensheep.com/blog/2012/02/24/bicycles-of-life-a-poem/ http://citizensheep.com/blog/2012/02/24/bicycles-of-life-a-poem/#comments Fri, 24 Feb 2012 20:01:41 +0000 Michael http://citizensheep.com/blog/?p=3255

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    • ]]>     As I posted a silly poem the other day I thought I may as well post more, for posterity.

    This one is from 1994 and started life as a song(!). About three years ago I added two more verses but forgot to write them down; I spoke them into my phone and then the phone broke.

    Bicycles of Life

    I’ve got a bicycle,
    Which isn’t like a tricycle:
    It’s got two wheels,
    A tricycle has
    Three.
    And if I had a tandem
    I wouldn’t pick at random
    The person who would share
    The ride
    With me.

    I’m very choosy:
    I don’t want some old floozy who is
    Going to give up when her legs get
    Tired;
    I want a steady pedaler,
    With a good grip on the handlebar,
    A girl by whom our journey’d be
    Inspired.

    And as we tour the countryside,
    Not having to pay for the park-and-ride,
    We’d see all sorts of interesting
    Things;
    We’d learn lots about history
    And attempts at solving mysteries
    Like dinosaurs, and bicycles
    With wings.

    We’d cycle through all sorts of weather,
    Singing silly songs together;
    Occasionally we’d stop for cups of
    Tea;
    We’d design aquatic bicycles,
    Over bowls of Ricicles,
    And then we’d go and try them out
    At sea.

    I’ve got a bike,
    Which isn’t like a trike:
    A bike’s got two wheels,
    A trike’s
    Got
    Three.
    And if I had a tandem
    I wouldn’t pick at random
    The person who would
    Share
    The ride
    With
    Me.

    ]]>     http://citizensheep.com/blog/2012/02/24/bicycles-of-life-a-poem/feed/ 0     Puffin Poem http://citizensheep.com/blog/2012/02/22/poem/ http://citizensheep.com/blog/2012/02/22/poem/#comments Wed, 22 Feb 2012 18:15:51 +0000 Michael http://citizensheep.com/blog/?p=3251

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    2. Time Window and Sandbox
    • ]]>     I just composed this in the time it takes to write a tweet. Don’t ask me why or where it came from.

    I am a puffin
    Munchin’ on a muffin
    But I can’t get enuffin
    ‘Cos I’ve got a small mouth.

    ]]>     http://citizensheep.com/blog/2012/02/22/poem/feed/ 0     Wherefore art Romeo and Juliet on Twitter? http://citizensheep.com/blog/2009/03/10/wherefore-art-romeo-and-juliet-on-twitter/ http://citizensheep.com/blog/2009/03/10/wherefore-art-romeo-and-juliet-on-twitter/#comments Tue, 10 Mar 2009 11:22:03 +0000 Michael http://citizensheep.com/blog/2009/03/10/wherefore-art-romeo-and-juliet-on-twitter/ The Times Labs have joined the ranks of those pushing Twitter to its limits. It's tweeting the entirety of Romeo and Juliet over the next month: with cats. There are 15 accounts - one for each of the main characters - and a line from the play is tweeted every 15 minutes. Good to see that the same paper which throws scorn upon Twitter is testing it with such intellectual rigour. Not.

    Visit Wherefore art Romeo and Juliet on Twitter?

    ]]>     The Times Labs have joined the ranks of those pushing Twitter to its limits. It’s tweeting the entirety of Romeo and Juliet over the next month: with cats. There are 15 accounts – one for each of the main characters – and a line from the play is tweeted every 15 minutes.

    (Interesting though that the same paper which throws ill-informed scorn upon Twitter is using it in such an asinine manner.)

    Visit Wherefore art Romeo and Juliet on Twitter?

    ]]>     http://citizensheep.com/blog/2009/03/10/wherefore-art-romeo-and-juliet-on-twitter/feed/ 0     If half the world had buildings http://citizensheep.com/blog/2007/11/26/if-half-the-world-had-buildings/ http://citizensheep.com/blog/2007/11/26/if-half-the-world-had-buildings/#comments Mon, 26 Nov 2007 08:13:00 +0000 Michael http://citizensheep.com/blog/2007/11/26/if-half-the-world-had-buildings/

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    1. Bicycles of Life: a poem
    • ]]>     Based on a friend’s fear of the world becoming unbalanced and slipping off its axis:

    If half the world had buildings
    And the other half had none,
    Would we fly off at a tangent
    And crash into the sun?

    ]]>     http://citizensheep.com/blog/2007/11/26/if-half-the-world-had-buildings/feed/ 0     Time Window and Sandbox http://citizensheep.com/blog/2007/11/26/42/ http://citizensheep.com/blog/2007/11/26/42/#comments Mon, 26 Nov 2007 00:08:30 +0000 Michael http://citizensheep.com/blog/2007/11/26/42/

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    • ]]>     Obviously time travel is impossible: if I were to go back in time, how on earth would I be able to remember a future that hasn’t happened yet? I’d be stuck with no memory of who I was or where or was, and probably of what I was. Besides, I wouldn’t be there anyway because I wouldn’t have been born yet.

    (There’s nothing new here, so if you’ve started reading this post please don’t feel you have to continue. I just need to get this drivel out of my head in order to sleep.)

    So let me unveil my first new product:

    The Time Window
    Sick of inaccuracies in television period dramas, or simply forgotten where you put your glasses? You can now consign those headaches to the past (so to speak) with the new Time Window™. With this handy pocket-sized gadget you can pick any date in the past or future and watch events unfold as they happened. The deluxe version also comes with sound.

    Of course, this doesn’t actually allow us to alter the course of history. For, say, Dirk Gently to sabotage The Rime of the Ancient Mariner, he would need to be able to create an instance of that time separate from his own time/event line (forgive me if I’m a little ignorant of correct time-and-space terminology: I’m neither a scientist nor a novelist (thank god)).

    So for those who want a more hands-on experience, I give you:

    The Time Sandbox
    Want to play guitar with Hendrix? Want to see England qualify for Euro 2008? Well now you can! For the monthly cost of a burger you can use the Time Sandbox™ service to connect to any moment in time – both past and future – and engage with the real events as they happen. (To use this service you will also need a Time Window™, a computer, a wireless broadband connection and some virtual-reality headgear; costs not included. Tinkering is at your own risk: Time Sandbox™ takes no responsibility for any tears in the fabric of the universe.)

    Of course, you won’t actually change anything in your existing reality: each time you create a new instance of the sandbox you create a new alternative reality in which to play god (unfortunately you probably won’t be able to re-visit to check the devastating impact of your handiwork). This also means that the universe would be littered with millions of alternative realities, but then maybe it already is.

    Now let me get some sleep.

    ]]>     http://citizensheep.com/blog/2007/11/26/42/feed/ 0     New cliches in old bottles http://citizensheep.com/blog/2007/11/23/new-cliches-in-old-bottles/ http://citizensheep.com/blog/2007/11/23/new-cliches-in-old-bottles/#comments Fri, 23 Nov 2007 14:19:25 +0000 Michael http://citizensheep.com/blog/2007/11/23/cliches-for/

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    • ]]>     Tired of old cliches? Want some new ones? The Cliche Rotation Project has come to the rescue, with its compilation of alternatives. This is brilliant, I wish I’d thought of it.

    ]]>     http://citizensheep.com/blog/2007/11/23/new-cliches-in-old-bottles/feed/ 0